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Not because I didn’t feel ready, but because I was sick with worry over what others might think. A very wise widow once told me, “I fulfilled every marriage vow right until death do us part – can others say the same? I also brought up the general topic of potentially dating and shared with them how I felt several times leading up to the big announcement.
” Whenever I got flack from outsiders, I would silently chant this to myself. When I did tell them, I opted for a well thought out email rather than telling them in person so they could digest it without having to worry about me seeing how they reacted.
In an effort to save everyone the trouble (not to mention the awkward moments when I bust you peering through my kitchen window at the back of my house), I’ve decided to put it all out there for everyone to see. I do know, however, that the gossips will gossip and that while I am a grown woman who answers only to me, it is sometimes less work to be blunt.
Or better yet, they sit in the comfort of their own home, surf the web, and hunt you through your status updates and Facebook photos you get tagged in. Yes, that was us in the Dominican, frolicking on the beach. While I’d like to believe the best in everyone, that they are merely looking out for me, I am not so naive.
"One widower was told by a woman that he was a perfect man, but 'unfortunately you're totally undateable.
No good woman wants to be second.'"Young widows and widowers are often branded in one way or another, she adds.
About a year after her husband died, Shannon Bell, 31, of Kendallville, Ind., says she jumped too quickly into the dating pool. I quickly fell into a relationship with someone who was not right for me in the least, but he was someone with a heartbeat."Lesson learned, Bell spent time "finding what I was made of on my own." A year and a half later, she's in a healthy relationship, expressing her grief freely and taking it slowly.
My new boyfriend is now my new husband and I don’t keep pictures of Craig up in our new home except for one in my office, tucked beside my computer monitor where I do my writing.
Either that or “don’t you think it’s about time you started to date?
” The point here is that everyone out there, especially those who don’t know what they are talking about, has an opinion on this.
The challenge is compounded for those in their 20s and 30s. It's not that the grief is less for older widows and widowers, but most of them have decades of fond memories.
Although widowhood is considered an attendant condition of being elderly, about 55,600 people age 34 and younger were widowed in 2009 alone, according to the U. People widowed at a younger age are looking at a blank slate where future plans once existed.
It can change you."There's a saying in the widowed community that the person I am isn't the person that my late spouse knew," says Peter Thomas, 31, of Long Island, N. When you're ready to date, he says, it may mean a different sort of person could be a better fit.